Post
by Jagger2002 » Wed Apr 10, 2019 2:43 pm
Congratulation XLegionaire for a well earned advancement to division A!
I thought I would share some advice about Division A provided by my advisor, Maximus Veteranius. He is missing half an eye, one kneecap, three toes and talks with a stutter from his short stint in Div A...but learned much of value.
First, it is very important that you realize they no longer use soft wooden swords, rubber tipped spears or arrows in Div A. Don't let anyone in Division A tell you otherwise. They actually use sharp, heavy, pointy, metal swords, well sharpened! When you get hit by an pointy arrow, it will only bounce off if you are lucky and they hit your high quality, bronze armor. Best to make sure no part of your body is not covered by something that will definitely stop an arrow. Veteranius recommends crouching inside a big metal box which supposedly works fairly well unless hit by a catapult projectile. Which reminds me- no more falling over laughing when a catapult hits you in the ear with a rubber ducky with attached funny insult note. Division A catapults launch heavy boulders at you, or possibly Josephius who was captured yesterday on a scouting expedition. Very painful to get hit on the ear by either a boulder or Josephius. And unfortunately, boulders usually crush metal boxes. Anyways, definitely spend some money on rearming your troops with proper weapons and armor. If you don't, your only chance of survival is to escape in the few moments while the vets are laughing, pointing and falling all over themselves before they are after you.
Second, Veteranius strongly recommends obtaining the fastest race horse available- one such as mine, Swift as the Wind. At the first hint of possible trouble, immediately depart the field of battle to obtain reinforcements to heroically save the day. Leave Maximus Scapius Goatius in command, hat tip to GDod. Captivity is no longer remembered primarily for the comradery after game party as, well, ...captives are relatively unknown on the Division A fields of battle. And the few that are taken, are quite happy to depart this sad and too short journey on the physical plane after a few hours of the beastly treatment dreamed up by the vets of Div A. Best not to take the risk.
Also forget time outs, safe spaces and referees calling out penalties for someone "accidentally" stepping on your hand when you clumsily fell off your overly frisky horse. One division C referee unfortunately showed up at a Division A battle and was never found again- except for his pinkie toe-definitely identified by the small smiley face tattoo on the side. A smiley face earring was also found attached to an ear but those are so common amongst the debris of a Div A battlefield that it could not be definitely sourced to our missing referee. Just remember, they make their own rules in Div A.
So congratulation again! Good luck as you enter the 7th circle of Hades... good knowing you and hope you remembered me in your will!
